The Telling Tree: Kai

I am aromantic, asexual and agender. This means i am affectionately called ‘triple A’. It’s common in the depths of Tumblr. ‘A’ is one of the few prefixes that is used for orientation (which include romantic, sexual, platonic, sensual, alterous and aesthetic) <em>and</em> gender identities, and ‘triple pan’ and ‘triple bi’ aren’t puns (unless you make them so, send m an ask on Tumblr with your punz pls).

Considering how flighty and artist-y I am, it might be weird to also find out I am obsessed with the technical, which is why I will expand on my identity for you. Saying I’m aro’, ace and agender is not enough to capture all that I am and that is obvious, of course. You could know that i’m also a singer, a writer and a waitrex, but what I mean is I collect as many words that describe  disparate parts of who I am and to be honest this sometimes makes it burdensome to be so queer.

I am also quoiromantic, and lithromantic, and alloplatonic, allosensual, bialterous, trans and nonbinary, and use they pronouns.

The thing about these words is that they mean  different things to different people. What a community does is roughly homogenise these meanings and eventually spawn new words and new groups because people find other people in much more meaningful ways.

Take for example bisexualtity. Within the queer (LGBTIAQ+) community, there are lots of meanings people have for bisexuality. Some people have stopped using it altogether in favour if terms like pansexuality, polysexuality and plain old queer. Multiple gender attracted (MGA) is also used as an umbrella term.

However! here are also words that people have created that can be super contentious. I am personally against using words like sapiosexual because it can mask or outright expose an ableist attitude and can group together a lot of experiences that can resemble bisexuality, pansexuality and asexual spectrum identities, which have many sub-identities or related identities that are just as useful and a lot less problematic.

This does not mean that I want to infringe on the rights of people to self-identify. In fact, as someone who is as far outside any binary as I am, I know how liberating it can feel to find that there are still words and meanings and community out in this lovely void.

By Kai Hart

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